When we first found out during my pregnancy that Sophia would be born "different" I was devastated. I was broken and depressed and at the saddest point I had been in my entire life. Then shortly after finding out about her differences the news came that she might not even live to make her due date. Suddenly, the fact that she was different seemed so small. The thought of facing this world without my child that was growing inside me wasn't something I ever thought possible. This child, my child, my daughter, was kicking and yet this doctor is telling me she might not live. The same child we saw sucking her toes during our fetal echocardiogram. The same child that looked just like her older brother during our 4D ultrasound before our fetal MRI. The same little girl that we saw peeing and her hair waving around during our amniocentesis. Suddenly all the problems and things I had faced before seemed so petty and the world around me continued to move on as I stood in my own nightmare. Yet, the mother in me found her strength and knew that I had to fight. Together we would take on this world and concur what we could but accept the rest. I can handle her being different, that's no biggie but not having her was not something I was willing to accept. "Think about the quality of life she will have" they said. "You can abort out of state" they whispered.
Quality of life..... To me this doesn't simply mean the physical and medical ailments my daughter might have. Yes she is different and I cannot change the fact that her arms aren't like yours and mine but what I can change is her quality of life. I want my daughter to be happy, end of story. I want her to experience the beach during summer time and long cuddles in front of the fireplace during the winter. I want her to experience building sheet tents in the living room and having dessert before dinner. Attending birthday parties and playing in the park. I promise to turn the music up loud in the car while I sing loudly and dance my heart out in hopes that she will follow suit. She might not turn into the teenage girl that ravishes through my closet but I promise to keep her closet full of the latest fashions. When she's old enough I will take her to have her 3 fingers manicured and her tiny toes polished. I will talk to her despite knowing she will not talk back because one day I hope that she will. I promise to buy her as many shoes as possible in hopes that one day those shoes will start walking. One of the best medicines we can give ourselves as special needs parents is to accept those things we cannot change but to change the things we can!!!